I have to be honest and say that when I was first asked to write this, I wanted to say no and run away as fast as I could. Almost three years have passed since I was evacuated out of Cameroon. In those three years a lot has happened in my heart but there is still hurt and pain there too. But you know? I'm learning that there is beauty in tension and that brokenness can be rejoiced in.
I came to MCWA straight from grad school in 2013. A brand new Occupational Therapist, God led me to Cameroon and taught me a lot about field work and labor. I spent quite a bit of time getting my mouth around French and Fulfulde, but also working with the patients in the therapy ward, as well as making daily trips to the market and to friends’ homes to visit and have basic conversations about Jesus.
My patients’ eyes were fixed on their heavenly home and not the things of this world. I learned a lot that day.
I got to rejoice in the beauty and wonder of my Cameroonian brothers and sisters meeting with Jesus in their dreams and asking who the man in white was. Their decided faith with unsinkable hope brought me to my knees and made me realize how weak my faith was but pointed me to how strong and mighty and faithful our God is.
An opportunity presented itself to assist with going on a medical rescue of persecuted believers at the border where I saw some of the horrors endured for the sake of Christ. But despite the fear I felt that day, besides the terrible physical pain and mutilation I saw, joy was ever present -deep, everlasting, true joy in the hope and promise of the Gospel. My patients’ eyes were fixed on their heavenly home and not the things of this world. I learned a lot that day.
Evacuation happened fast and in secret for the safety of all involved. Goodbyes could not properly be done. I felt guilty for the longest time just knowing I was leaving brothers and sisters behind in harm’s way and I was heading back to comfortable America.
I struggled with all of this for a long time and I still do… even three years later. But God has been working on my heart in understanding the Gospel better. I have been reminding myself of the truth of my utter sinfulness, my great need for a Savior, Christ’s unthinkable sacrifice and the unfathomable gift of grace lavished upon me. Every day I continually laying down my pride, trusting the Lord’s plan in my short stay when I thought it would be much longer, and seeking forgiveness and heart change for wanting sympathy and comfort from sources other than Christ.
And I can pray. Oh I can pray. I can communicate to the Lord my broken heart over what has happened and be gently reminded of all that God is still doing. That in the end, and that in the end, the Evil One cannot win. In the face of all that has happened, believers have only gotten bolder. So increase my faith, Oh God, because I want to see more of You, and I want Your name to be exalted among the Nations!